Joe is yelling at the trees again.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
