I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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