nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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