I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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