would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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