just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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