Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize