no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
