theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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