It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
