god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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