White coat. Heels.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize