There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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