WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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