Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
