I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
