lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
