atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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