I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
