it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
one might say we're banned from that church
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
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