dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
