We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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