I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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