God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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