Someone shit on the floor
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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