It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize