The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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