What did we do last night that was yellow?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
