I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
