PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
