if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
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They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
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I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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