my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
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