I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
