Me too!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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