I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I deserve this hangover.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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