When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We need a shit load of segways right now
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
