Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
