I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
