And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
