Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
