you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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