I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Congratulations! We have a period
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
