yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
