mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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