Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
