i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
