what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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