i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
