The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
