Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
