"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Randomize
