someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
