we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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