she woke up with a sticky ear
thus making me awesome and them whores
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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