that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
