soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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