five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.