Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight

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  (847): Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight http://tfl.nu/3mek
  Replies (17) Good night (3240) Bad night (724)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  From behind she looks like Richard Simmons

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  (608): From behind she looks like Richard Simmons http://tfl.nu/z6dn
  Replies (7) Good night (649) Bad night (3332)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'

  (1-902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone

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  (902): you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken' (1-902): well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone http://tfl.nu/o9f8
  Replies (8) Good night (2618) Bad night (653)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.

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  (732): I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents. http://tfl.nu/w4fz
  Replies (15) Good night (5066) Bad night (1092)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"

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  (315): some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!" http://tfl.nu/pcn6
  Replies (18) Good night (4494) Bad night (1047)
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  (289): View more from Ontario

  Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working

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  (289): Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working http://tfl.nu/bi46
  Replies (3) Good night (1152) Bad night (3903)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.

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  (704): I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home. http://tfl.nu/daw2
  Replies (5) Good night (976) Bad night (2392)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.

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  (918): He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it. http://tfl.nu/hmj1
  Replies (6) Good night (715) Bad night (2018)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!

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  (708): Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player! http://tfl.nu/3jxt
  Replies (8) Good night (3690) Bad night (759)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?

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  (850): if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair? http://tfl.nu/1ccg
  Replies (6) Good night (988) Bad night (1473)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti

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  (610): We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature (610): Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti http://tfl.nu/iam9
  Replies (1) Good night (1211) Bad night (645)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?

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  (562): Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment? http://tfl.nu/8kce
  Replies (2) Good night (1029) Bad night (516)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.

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  (540): Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach. http://tfl.nu/d58b
  Replies (3) Good night (372) Bad night (715)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.

  (1-615): View more from Tennessee

  Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?

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  (615): I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend. (1-615): Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist? http://tfl.nu/x9n9
  Replies (5) Good night (780) Bad night (502)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?

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  (425): How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"? http://tfl.nu/pajq
  Replies (14) Good night (1064) Bad night (391)

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