how can u be prego again
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
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guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
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I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.