Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?