you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I love how my cats smell like pot.
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I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
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Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind