...is it true? will i see you next weekend
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
accomplished twins. life is a go
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
did i just pee glitter