if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome