I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
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Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever