Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
