Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
This is classic penis vs brain.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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