I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
