Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
