remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
