you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
