y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
