seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
As shirtless as possible
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
