if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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