theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
