im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
