i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
