if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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