i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
