please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
