First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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