He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We have started to decorate penises.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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