how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
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as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
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If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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