He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
