could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
