I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
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