If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
be right there i have to get my cape
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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