Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
