last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
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Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
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Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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