hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
