The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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