It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
