Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
