I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
