I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
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so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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